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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
ri-lu-kuma
angiespeggy

list of trash aus i need immediately

  • “hey we hooked up last night and it turns out you are my childs teacher” au
  • “we both play this stupid game online and you keep beating me every single goddamn time so i called you out and you are pretty cute but can you not” au
  • “im a bartender and you just came in here without shoes sat down and ordered a chocolate volcano and idk what the fuck that is and im scared to ask” au
  • “we are neighbours and every night at 3:14 am you start yodeling for no fucking reason??? why???? is that you yodeling??? its been 2 months???” au
  • “im a pizza delivery person and i just delivered a pizza to someone in the middle of a satanic ritual and they gave me their number???” au
  • “i woke up this morning to find you sitting in my living room with a goat in a poncho??? who are you??? why is the goat wearing a poncho??? how did you get the goat in here i live on the 12th floor???” au
  • “we work out at the same gym and you always look super legit but i know you sing hannah montana in the shower and you know i know” au
  • “im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit"au
  • “its 4 am and im drunk as fuck in a mcdonalds and you have been watching my trying to eat this burger for 30 minutes” au
  • “i was playing beer pong with a coin and i accidentally threw it right into your eye at a party” au
ri-lu-kuma
86champagnepuppies

business majors will do coke off your ass on saturday night and then pretend they don’t know you in your econ lecture on monday morning

algernoncadwallader2

fuck with a psych major then

86champagnepuppies

psych majors will do lsd with you and tell you that they’ve never felt as connected to anyone as they do to you in that moment and then as soon as their trip ends they will spend the rest of your relationship disappointed because they know they’ll never feel as strongly about you sober as they did while on acid and when you take notice of that and comment that they seem to be growing distant they will psychoanalyze you and claim that you just think that because you have abandonment issues stemming from early childhood trauma

chimnney

fuck with an art major then

86champagnepuppies

art majors will nut on your back and hand you their paint rag to wipe it off with and then when you don’t return their calls the next day they’ll make a painting entitled Succubus. 2015 (oil and tears on canvas, 36" x 48")

laterinthecaveoflesbians

Fuck with a film major

86champagnepuppies

film majors will invite you over to “watch a movie and chill” and you’ll assume he means watch the first five minutes of something on netflix before getting distracted and banging but no. he has a french new wave film set up for the two of you to actually watch and you don’t understand french but he refuses to put on subtitles because he feels it undermines the artistic integrity of the work. when the movie is over he’ll undress you but not to have sex, just to “admire” your body. also he inexplicably smells like cigarettes even though he doesn’t smoke

ri-lu-kuma
ninepulse

Did you know that you actually can never forget a face? Every single face you’ve ever seen during your life gets stored into your memories, and gets used up later. For example, in dreams your brain can’t just make up a face. Every single face you’ve seen in your dream, you’ve seen somewhere once in your life.

And those strange nightmares you’ve had of those terrible demon like creatures ?

You’ve seen them around too, you just cant remember. You don’t want to remember.

benedictcumberreichenbach

this post started off as a John Green novel and ended as a Stephen King.

Source: ninepulse